ADHD Specialized Couples Therapists in the Bay Area: A Resource Guide
Last updated: April 2026I work with a fair amount of people with ADHD in California, and also specifically in the Bay Area (Silicon Valley and the SF Bay). Recently I've been asked where to find ADHD-specialized couples therapy, so I pulled together the list I've been working from.
A few things to know:
The ADHD-couples therapists who specialize are almost entirely out-of-network. If your insurance plan is “PPO” (not HMO), they will usually reimburse a percentage after deductible if you submit a superbill. Always call to know your benefits (guide on how to do this coming soon!).
What makes someone an "ADHD couples" clinician, in my opinion, is not just that they list both on their website at all.
What we’re hoping for is an understanding of a very specific dynamic - the executive function load, the rejection sensitivity, the one-partner-becoming-the-parent pattern, the conversations that get derailed and then forgotten. Not that different from regular couples work - but more specific. A good generalist couples therapist can do real work here, but someone who actually knows the ADHD-couples literature (Orlov, Tuckman, Pera, Hallowell) may get there faster.
Please note, this is not a list of therapists I know personally or have gotten great results with. It’s just a compilation for now - though I’d love to get to know them.
Bay Area clinicians
All of these are out-of-network and provide superbills for insurance reimbursement.
All offer telehealth throughout California.
Phil Boissiere, LMFT Offices: San Francisco and Marin County Probably the most direct "ADHD + couples" referral in the Bay Area. On Melissa Orlov's vetted-therapists list. Offers a five-hour couples intensive format in addition to standard weekly work. His wife Erika runs the Relationship Institute of SF, so there's a whole couples-therapy ecosystem around that practice. cognitivetherapysf.com
Bay Area Adult ADHD Offices: San Francisco and Alameda Xavier Jurado, PsyD specifically works with individuals and couples living with ADHD. The practice collaborates with psychiatrists for medication management if that piece isn't already in place. bayareaadultadhd.org
Hallowell Todaro Center Offices: Palo Alto and Mountain View The "Hallowell" of Driven to Distraction - Ned Hallowell co-founded the center. Strong brand recognition in ADHD treatment, and they treat couples alongside individuals. hallowelltodaro.com
Relationship Center Offices: Oakland and Berkeley Dedicated neurodiverse couples track, and many of their clinicians are themselves neurodivergent. If "neurodiversity-affirming" language matters to you (especially useful if a previous therapist has subtly pathologized the ADHD partner), this practice leans into that framing. relationshipcenter.com
Bay Area Center for ADD/ADHD (Institute for the Advancement of Psychotherapy) Office: San Francisco Full-service ADHD clinic that includes couples and family therapy as part of the menu, alongside assessment, individual therapy, coaching, and medication management - useful if you want one practice coordinating multiple pieces of care. bayareaadhd.com
Silicon Valley Therapy Offices: Palo Alto, Los Gatos, Santa Cruz Dr. Thomas Lucking's group has a specific focus on neurodiverse couples, including both ADHD and autism/Asperger's dynamics. Worth vetting further for South Bay and Peninsula access. siliconvalleytherapy.co
Beyond the Bay Area (California telehealth)
Melissa Orlov - not a Bay Area clinician and not a licensed therapist. She calls herself a marriage consultant. She is, by near-universal agreement in this field, the most knowledgeable person in the world about ADHD and marriage. Author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD, runs an online couples seminar three times a year, and offers direct consulting by phone worldwide. If a couple can't afford weekly private-pay therapy, her book and seminar can sometimes be super useful. adhdmarriage.com
Susan Tschudi, LMFT - Westlake Village (LA area), but California-licensed so she can do telehealth. Author of Loving Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder. Also on Orlov's list.
Julieann Myers, LCSW - San Diego (also licensed in Colorado), telehealth throughout CA. Does intensive-format work.
If you need in-network
Search Headway, Alma, or Psychology Today for couples therapists in California. Then before booking, ask them directly: Are you familiar with Melissa Orlov's framework? Have you worked with couples where one partner has ADHD? How do you distinguish ADHD-driven dynamics from general couple conflict?
If they've read Orlov or Ari Tuckman, or attended CHADD trainings, those can also be signs of someone more aware of these dynamics.
Final notes
Treat the ADHD first, if it's untreated. Couples therapy without ADHD treatment in place is often frustrating for everyone. Get the medication, coaching, or individual CBT piece going - then the couples work has somewhere to land.
A book and a seminar can be the intervention. At least to start. Orlov's seminar has turned relationships around without weekly therapy, partly because both partners are getting the same information at the same time. If cost is a real barrier, start there. But for some, it’s not a replacement, it’s an add-on.
Watch for the parent-child dynamic. The single most common ADHD-couples trap is the non-ADHD partner becoming the manager and the ADHD partner becoming the managed. Any therapist you work with should be tracking this, because it erodes attraction and fuels resentment on both sides, and it's not anyone's fault - it's what happens in the absence of a different structure.
If you have feedback about any of the recommendations or centers on this list - please email me at drpop@patriciapopmd.com. Thank you!
Patricia